An Uncanny Marriage
by Laura Scofield
Summary: Written for the BMT "Weird Pairing Challenge". Sonea/Dannyl!


**An Uncanny Marriage **

_(I wrote this fic for the "BMT Weird Pairing Challenge", where we were challenged to write about an unusual non-canon pairing. I'd just like to remind everyone that Lord Larkin is a teacher at the Guild, in case you getted mixed up with him and another character with a similar name :P )_

Not for the first time, Dannyl regretted his marriage to Sonea.

It was all Rothen's fault really. He had been very persuasive about the whole thing. He thought it would be perfect for his current novice and his previous novice to get married. Sonea wouldn't get any offers from rich young men; after all she _was_ from the Slums. Her only other options were spinsterhood, or to marry Cery. And Rothen was adamant that a boy who was named after a rodent could not be trusted.

Rothen had been pushing Dannyl to get married ever since the day he graduated. It would be a foolproof way to _finally_ end the rumours about Dannyl's inclinations. Rothen eventually tired of the young man's excuse that he couldn't find the right woman, so he took it upon himself to find Dannyl a suitable wife.

When on the search for Sonea in the slums, Rothen thought it was destiny that she had stabbed Dannyl in the leg. He saw it as the girl's way of marking her claim on him. Since no other woman had ever shown as much interest in the alchemist, Rothen began plotting how he would convince the pair to get together.

So now, a year after that fateful day, Dannyl was in his living room working on experiments, while his dear wife sat at the opposite side of the room, reading a book called _101 Signs that your Husband is a Lad. _

Sonea had herself accepted that no honourable rich man would want her, so she was relatively pleased when Dannyl had offered to marry her. At first Sonea had worried that _Rothen_ was going to make her a marriage offer, so when Dannyl had proposed, she had been so relieved that she accepted almost straight away.

But as the months of their married life went by, Sonea had started growing suspicious of Dannyl; in particular his reluctance to sleep with her. She was sick of him avoiding her questions, and decided to ask him directly about the issue.

Looking up from her book, Sonea queried, "So… when do you think we'll start sleeping in the same bed?"

Dannyl shuddered, something he did a lot of around his wife. "Erm… don't you like the guest bedroom, my dear?"

Sonea rolled her eyes. "I almost killed myself when I tripped over all your junk this morning. I don't see why you need to keep _everything _you invent."

The magician's mouth hung open in shock. "How can you say that? I'm _this_ close to inventing the Allied Land's first hair straightner!"

His wife just stared disbelievingly back. "Right. But I hate sleeping in that tiny guestroom; all your experiments really freak me out. So couldn't I sleep with you instead? It makes more sense."

Dannyl flailed his arms around, another thing he did a lot of these days. "No! You can't sleep in my bed! That's just so… wrong."

Sonea raised an eyebrow. "You're not _still_ afraid I'm going to stab you again, are you?"

"Of course not!" The alchemist squeaked.

"Then what's the problem? Normal married couples sleep together all the time."

"How many times do I have to tell you, we are NOT a normal couple! I was forced into this marriage."

"You know, if you ever want us to have children, we're going to have to sleep together…"

"OH MY GOD!" Dannyl cried in horror, "Why do you need to keep bringing up such disgusting topics? I won't be able to eat for a week thanks to that horrid image you just put in my mind. You slum girls are so shameless."

Sonea threw a purple cushion at him. "You Guild magicians are so conservative! We've been married half a year, I think its time we started talking about having sex."

Dannyl was too stunned to respond straight away, but eventually he stammered faintly, "Y-you said t-the "s" word! I t-told you that w-word is f-forbidden in my home!" He pointed weakly to the sign he had hung on the wall, which listed Lord Dannyl's Ten Commandments. At number 10 was: _"Thou shalt not mention the S-E-X word in my home."_

The young woman shrugged carelessly. "I don't understand why you make up all these strange rules. And personally I think it's time we started doing a _lot_ more that just _talking_ about sex." She appraised Dannyl up and down.

"Stop it, you wicked woman! You're making me feel uncomfortable!"

"I bet you don't respond so cruelly when Lord Larkin is staring at you…"

Dannyl abruptly stood up and made to storm into his bedroom. Sonea called tauntingly after him, "Perhaps we could invite him over for dinner sometime? And afterwards, he may be willing to take part in some _experiments_ with us…"

The alchemist gulped, and slammed his bedroom door.

Sonea cheerfully went back to reading her book, making a mental note to keeping a closer eye on her husband and Lord Larkin from now on.

* * *

Obviously I am incapable of writing anything serious anymore, the parody has tainted my mind :P But I hope you enjoyed this, and I strongly recommend that you read Jaycest's and Ralobat's stories they wrote for the Weird Pairing Challenge! Jaycest's is called** The Brotherhood of the Thieves**, and Ralobat's is **Lord Finnegan and Friends**.

As always, feedback is very welcome and appreciated! :D


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